2. TAKE TWO PLACEBOS AND CALL ME LAME

Take two placebos
Then you can call me lame
Walk some in my shoes
Then tell me to fuck off
My oversized hat won't fit your humongous head

Trade a hundred days
For one inside of you

Take me to a cave
(Wohoh)
Where I can't be seen
Solace makes the heart
Pump adrenaline
I'm sick of being used
(Wohoh)
Time and again betrayed
Give a man a key, he cannot, not open the door
(They walk away)
Give him something free and he will sell it to the poor
C'est la vie

Take two placebos
Then you can call me lame
Walk some in my shoes
Then tell me that I'm fucked
My humongous hat won't fit your gigantic head

Just take care

3. WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH PARENTS TODAY?

Wearing teenage clothes
You're always coming to my shows
And telling me that I should mellow out

It's absurd
You're singing every word
You're not supposed to like my bands, things I like you don't understand
So please put down that rum and coke
That's no behavior for old folk
Can't we just hang on holidays?

Dad and mom
What planet are you from
And what convinced you to pack up and leave?

Doing drugs
And asking me for hugs
What's the matter with parents today?

Not again
When will it end?
Dad's dressing like Motley Crue
And why is mom's hair dyed bright blue, they're staying out till 2 or 3
And then having sex publicly
I thought the apple fell far from the tree

Mom and dad I think you ought
To quit smoking so much pot
And hanging with my friends

Laying round on the couch
With my Misfits records out
Softly banging your head
Maybe it's just a passing phase, what's the matter with my parents these days?

4. DINOSAURS WILL DIE

Sit back, watch it crumble
See the drowning
Watch the fall

I feel just terrible about it
That's sarcasm
Let it burn

Gonna make a toast when it falls apart, I'm gonna raise my glass above my heart, then someone shouts
(That's what they get)
That's what they get
For all the years of hit and run, for all the piss broke bands on VH 1, where did all
Their money go
Don't we all know

Parasitic music industry
As it destroys itself
We'll show them how it's supposed to be

Music written from devotion
Not ambition
Not for fame

Zero people are exploited
There are no tricks
Up our sleeve

We're gonna fight against the mass appeal, we're gonna kill the seven record deal, make records that have more then one good song
The dinosaurs will slowly die and I do believe no one will cry
I'm just fucking glad I'm gonna be
There to watch the fall

Prehistoric music industry
Three feet in la brea tar
Extinction never felt so good

Think anyone will feel badly
You are sadly
Mistaken

Time has come for evolution
Fuck collusion
Kill the five

Whatever happened to the handshake, whatever happened to deals no one would break
What happened to
Integrity
It's still there, it always was for playing music just because a million reasons why
Ahahah, dinosaurs will die (x3)

5. THANK GOD IT'S MONDAY

I'm gonna tell you what I really think I like about Mondays
Cause they fell like Saturdays
When you don't have go to work
Every day is a holiday
I wake up when I want to
I do anything I wanna do
Can't wait for Tuesday

I really never like Fridays
(I don't)
Can't do what I wanna do
(Like you)
Sold out at the movies
(Go out)
Can't eat at the restaurant
(We can)
Everybody wanna get tied
But the bar's full of cigarette smoke
I think I'll stay home
I think I'll wait for Monday

I live a five day weekend
I got a year long holiday
Thanks God it's Monday

Only place that I gotta be
Is on the show or the first tee
Thank God for irony

Never mind the aggravation, modulation
Give me another key

I'll tell you why I like Tuesdays
(Tuesdays)
Cause they're kinda like Christmas
(For you)
Come to think about Wednesdays
(Thursdays)
Are a little like Hanakah
(Everyday is new)
Thursday's Thanksgiving
I'm talking about good living
I think I'll give thanks
Thank God it's Monday
(x2) (Why not)
Thank God it's Monday (x2)
(Montag ist sehr gut)
Thank God it's Monday (x3)
(Monday is my favourite time of year)
(I hope that it comes)
Thank God it's Monday

6. CLAMS HAVE FEELINGS TOO (Actually They Don't)

Pigs smell bad
They roll in pooh
But so do kids and elderly
I don't see you chop of an old man's feet
Put them in a mason jar and pickle them

No chowder for you
(A simply thing)
Cause clams have feelings too
Actually they don't have central nervousness
No Manhatten style
(Forget about it)
Clams have the right to smile
Come to think about it, they don't have a face

They have no face
No place for ears
There's no clam eyes
To cry clam tears
No spinal cord
They must get bored
Might as well just put them out of misery

I don't believe it's selfish
To eat defenseless shellfish

No chowder for you
Clams have feelings too
It could happen to you
Clams have feelings too
I don't think they do
Clams have feelings too

7. LOUISE

That would belong to Louise, she got a new pet, a real vaginal tease
Mummy's little girl's gonna do what she please
And she don't wanna get a spankin'

She likes to speak like a six year old brat, "mommy discipline me, you know I've been bad"
Start with a cat then she'll move to a crop, neither one is willing to stop

She knows that girls just wanna have fun with four piercings on side of her labia
A little luggage lock connecting each one
Prevents her girl from goin' astray

Slut you think, you've seen your master, mean you better lick my puss and asshole clean
Treat my clit like bubblegum, bitch, make me come

It's time for bed, she'll secure her head between her thighs for a thorough night suck
Along with this she'll be drinking her piss so Louise don't have to get up

Two goddesses in love
One resides below, one reigns from above
One adorns cuffs while one covets keys, the purgatorial touch
Of Louise

8. STRANGER THAN FISHIN

Know a beat on a drum
Know how to sing outta key
Got some prescription drugs
I ain't no
Musician
Some things are stranger than fishin'

Yeah, I know
What I am, chop of a-
Nother gram, some of us have all the luck
No matter how much we fucking suck

9. PHARMACIST'S DAUGHTER

I'm in love with her
The pharmacist's daughter
She got my love, I get her drugs

Waking up in the afternoon, can't wait to see her
Bringing in some colonopin, I'm huffing ether

She's the one for me
Without personality
I still wanna see her every day

We got a date and I can't wait to see my baby
If I wine and dine her she just might sedate me

She's so beautiful
She keep my prescriptions full
She got my love, I get her drugs
(She got my love)
She got my love, I get her drugs
(I get her drugs)
She got my love
I get her drugs
Looks like I'm bought in the farm-
Acy

10. BOTTLES TO THE GROUND

There's a suitcase
(Suitcase) (x2)
On the sidewalk
(Sidewalk) (x2)
Here's some records
(Records) (x2)
In a milk crate
(Milk crate) (x2)
She'll be staying
(Staying) (x2)
You'll be throwing whiskeys over one lip, one more round then it's bottles to the ground, smashing of the glass and a perfect, perfect sound
Gotta pay the piper when the rats are gone, oh wohoh wohoh wohwoh, bottles to the ground

One more round then it's bottles to the ground (x2)
One more round then it's bottles to the ground, one more round then it's bottles to the ground
One more round then it's bottles to the ground
One more round then it's bottles to the ground, one more round then it's bottles to the ground
One more round then it's bottles to the ground (x7)

Wait
I gotta pain in the gallbladder

11. TOTAL BUMMER

(x2) Go away
Sunny day (x2)
All the barflies sipping whiskey, fighting ever present pity, wondering what they keep sucking back for
Is it the drink or trepidation, watching all trains leave the station, left standing alone without a ticket

You light up night
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
And you
You light up night

Stop searching cause there's no answer, just a long line of disaster, there's no simple way to stop the sadness
Life's not fair, I'm glad it's not, this isn't heaven just a lonely planet on the verge of self destruction

12. MY VAGINA

My vagina's got lots of extra skin
They took my outtie and made it an in
Changing Donnie to Marie Osmand

Operation
Successful
But now I gotta pee
Through a miniature hole
Gotta remember
To put the seat down
And when I wipe my ass
I go from front to back
Cause I don't wanna bladder infection

I never thought I'd miss my vas deference
I trade it in for a pair of huge cans
Now I get to hang with lesbians

Operation
Paid up front
Now I show all my friends
My new designer cunt
They think I'm kinda weird
But that's OK with me
Cause now I kick their ass
Playing from the ladies tee
There's nothing finer than having a vagina

13. HEROJUANA

When happiness can be bought for a little more then free
Modern day prohibition

Are we men?
Are we children?
At what age
Can I choose
How to live?

The only real drug problem is scoring real good drugs
Haven't we
Learned our lesson?
The corner store sells finest Scotch
But who's got uncut powder
We just want what is ours

Dignity, if god created plants and burs that I find and abuse
Then who the fuck
Are you to judge me?

14. THEME FROM A NOFX ALBUM

That's Erik our drummer, his father's a plumber, he drank enough booze to get Rhode Island drunk
Now sober but smelly he's got one big belly from livin' the good life provided by punk

Singin', singin', singin'
Buy me a Becks beer or pass me a bong
Gimmie some Bushmills, I'll sing you this song
Open another big box of cheap wine
We're over 30, we're doin' just fine

El Hefe's not satanic, he's one hip hispanic, he grew up with one dozen cousins and kin
He wears baggy pants, he knows how to break dance
You've seen him do every impersonation
Well, blow me down Alec
Oh oh, gi gi gi gi
Give it some megatroid, it's certain, half even
Father, that's Melvin on six string, some tell me I can't sing
Oh, I think you can, just don't do it round me
Stick with what you know, playing guitar solo
With Hetson and Watt in punk Karaoke

Singin', singin', singin'
Buy me a Becks beer or pass me a bong
Gimmie some Bushmills, I'll sing you this song
Open another
Big box of cheap wine
We're over 30
We're doin' just fine

My name is Fat Mike, I'm obsessed with big lesbians
I've been a punk rocker
For most of my life
I sing kinda flat, I'm not really so fat
But that's how I hit them
With hook or a slice
I'm Kent, I do sound, look he's getting so round
I'm Timmy the Turtle, he counts as he clicks
I'm Jay, I don't care, someone please cut his hair
I'm Limo
From Scotland
So give me haggis